It should have been me. It should have been me. It should have been me.
That was the only thing occupying the entirety of Rodney McKay’s considerable mind as he sat in the uncomfortable infirmary chair next to the unnaturally still figure of Ronon.
Teyla, Sheppard even Elizabeth had been in and out. But, again contrary to his usual nature, his need to always be doing something, Rodney had not moved. Not even when Radek had called frantic over some incorrect calculations.
He felt a presence behind him, a gentle hand on his shoulder. Grateful, he leaned back into the touch, relaxing slightly. His shoulders are suddenly painful, only then does he realise he's been holding them tense. “It was my fault. I didn’t see the Baneodri had a weapon. He saved my life. Again.”
“Go get some sleep, Rodney.” Carson says quietly in his most soothing voice, not sure what else he can say.
“He warned me just as we were entering. He told me to stay behind him, but they brought out the specifications for…” He keeps talking as if he hasn’t heard the doctor at all.
“Rodney,” Carson interrupts, his voice still soft but firm. “He’s in good hands.”
“Yeah I know that.” He dismisses easily, taking Carson’s free hand and turning it over in his.
“No, not mine. I couldn’t…” He trails off, knowing that his lover doesn’t need an explanation. “I trust my staff though. They’re a good bunch. They’ll take care of him.”
“Yeah, I’d still be happier if you were the one doing it.” Rodney’s impatient and anxious voice cuts through Carson’s calmer one.
“Relax love, I’ve already arranged to take over his after care. We’ll have to make sure he gets intensive therapy once we get him back to our quarters.” Though his tone is still sombre there’s the barest hint of a smile in it.
Rodney picks up on it and tears his eyes away from Ronon to study the doctor. “That’s genius,” he whispers with a smile of his own, “exactly what he needs for healing purposes.”